Empowered Preemie Parent

3 Steps to Overcoming the Pitfalls of Comparison

Tracy May — Tue, 29 Aug 2023 00:30:37 +0000

The morning started out like any other “first day of school” morning. Rushing around to get ready so I could take the same photos of them on the front porch that I had taken since the first day of Kindergarten. Yes! I had made it through another first day of school with smiles as I watched their buses drive away.

With a full heart, I checked my phone one last time before getting ready for work and there on social media was a barrage of pictures that my friends had posted of their sophomore’s in front of their cars. It hit me like a ton of bricks …the tears started rolling. My sophomore, Jack, does not have a car nor would he be driving himself to school. I was sad and I felt sad for him too.

I let that sadness consume my entire day. Any mention of school triggered another wave of tears.

Comparison: a seemingly harmless word. If we are not careful this harmless word can lead to major disappointment and discontent.

Believe me, I know all too well the feelings that accompany comparison. I had allowed comparison to invade my mind.

You see, I have a son who has an intellectual disability as well as a visual impairment. The reality is he will probably never drive. That’s tough for a kid in high school when all of his friends are driving and he has to take the bus to school. I know it bothers him even though he seems to rebound pretty quickly and not let it get him down for too long. I could learn a lot from him. I wasn’t able to respond quite so quickly and the sad thing is that I didn’t see it coming.

How many times have we compared ourselves to someone’s hairstyle, wardrobe, well manicured yard, holiday decorations, cooking, kids, etc.? It’s human nature right? How does it make you feel? My guess is that is causes stress, anxiety, frustration and countless other negative emotions.

Comparison is the thief of joy and adds no value to your life. It can rob you of happiness and self confidence and create a distraction in your life.

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3 Tips to Knocking It Out of the Park

Tracy May — Tue, 29 Aug 2023 00:28:52 +0000

Today I want to tell you the story of Jack’s 10 year baseball career that I never thought would be possible.

Baseball is America’s pastime and I grew up being a fan of the game because my dad was a huge baseball fan. One of my favorite family vacations growing up was driving to St. Louis to watch the Los Angeles Dodgers play.

When my kids were little I wanted to provide an opportunity for them to be able to play baseball. Afterall, little boys in baseball uniforms are adorable!! This proved challenging for my oldest son who has a visual impairment as well as an intellectual disability so organized sports weren’t really an option for him. I was crushed when I realized he wouldn’t have the experience that I had dreamed of him having.

When Jack turned 7, something happened that shifted everything for our family. We heard about a new adaptive baseball park that was being built right in our city. The Miracle League was built to give every child the opportunity to play baseball and we signed Jack for that first Fall season. The field is made of rubber and can accommodate walkers, wheelchairs, strollers, etc. Miracle League was exactly what we were looking for!!!

Jack played on the Yankees team and we spent 8 weeks in the Spring and 8 weeks in the Fall cheering him on!! Given his visual impairment, it was difficult for him to be able to track the ball whether he was in the field or batting. For the first few years, most everyone on his team had to use the batting T and there were also kiddos who had to use a walker.

As the kids got older and more experienced, one by one they each found their groove and were able to hit on their own (sometimes it took 20 pitches but they did it). The kids with walkers got stronger and were eventually able to navigate the bases on their own. The transformation was incredible!!

What an incredible opportunity my son was given!! After playing for 10 years, he started to grow tired of playing baseball every Saturday but because this has been our routine for so long we just kept him playing. Finally one weekend he just didn’t want to go and told me he wanted to retire from Miracle League. We only had 3 games left in the Spring season and I told him that if he finished those 3 games we could take a break from the Fall season.

He told me he just wanted to be done. Deep down I really wanted him to play one more year until he graduated from high school. So I had a decision to make. Do I listen to what he wants or do I make him play one more year?

As I reflected I realized 3 things that I needed to do:

EMBRACE. I was holding on to what I wanted for him rather than embracing the next chapter in his journey. When we have fragile children, it’s so hard to let go of being “mama bear” (a title I am proud to wear) but it’s also having the courage and the confidence to know when it’s time to trust the unknown even though it’s difficult.

EMPOWER. Instead of dwelling on what Jack doesn’t want to do I needed to empower him to identify new opportunities and TOGETHER we will find that next opportunity that excites him the way Miracle League once did.

ENCOURAGE. Encouragement has so many benefits. Jack is definitely motivated by encouragement and it is important that he knows we believe in him. Encouragement also helps boost self-confidence and provides hope. Jack’s decisions won’t always be the right ones but knowing we support him will allow him to not shy away from challenging situations.

Focusing on these 3 actions has allowed me to really embrace the next chapter in his story. In the end, it was his decision to make. He is so proud of his great 10 year Miracle League career and so are we!!

As a preemie parent is can be so daunting when decisions are made for our children that are in conflict with ones we would have made. Comment below and let me know if you have ever experienced this.

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Finding Gratitude in the Hardest Situations as a NICU Mom

Tracy May — Tue, 29 Aug 2023 00:17:36 +0000

As I sat down to write a speech for an upcoming event to raise money for the Stead Family Children’s Hospital in Iowa City…my entire story focused on thanking ONE nurse.

One nurse who had a life changing impact on me.

One nurse who was only with us for a few days!

–And I realized I had never taken the time to really thank her (until now).

Have you ever found yourself telling others how great you think someone is, and then you realize you’ve forgotten to tell them?

Today I want to walk you through three simple steps to share your gratitude with someone special in your life. I know it will make a huge difference for that person but also for you! (Research shows that expressing deep gratitude literally boosts your level of happiness).

But first Myrna.

When I first met Myrna, I was a wreck.

My son Jack was discharged from our local NICU to be transported to the NICU in Iowa City for an eye ultrasound. He had developed severe ROP (Retinopathy of Prematurity) and the ultrasound would confirm the level of retinal detachment present in each eye.

As you can imagine, my husband and I were very anxious leading up to the test. I’m sure this was very evident the first time we met Myrna, the first nurse we met in Iowa City. She went out of her way to make us feel welcome and it didn’t take long before we knew that Jack was in very good hands. As a preemie mom, you know that feeling when someone new takes over your child’s care which puts you on guard and a whole range of emotions flood your body.

We basically had two days to settle in before the ultrasound. We stayed at the Ronald McDonald house in Iowa City and spent most of the time at the hospital with Jack.

After the ultrasound confirmed his retinas were in need of repair we headed to Chicago. After Jack was loaded up into the incubator for his flight to Chicago we said good-bye to Myrna for the last time.

It would be years before I would think about her again.

After one of his many eye surgeries, Jack’s eye pressure was elevated so we were sent to see a Glaucoma specialist in Iowa City. I called that NICU to see if Myrna was still working there as I wanted to sit down and tell her how much she meant to our family, but I had missed that opportunity. As they told me she had just recently retired, my heart sank.

I know first hand the importance of the people that have made a difference in your life and not just recognizing it but actually telling them. It’s what inspired me to write this blog post.

If I had the chance to sit down with Myrna right now this is what I’d say:

“You knew the severity of the situation and you did everything in your power to make us feel at home. You gave us space when we needed it but also provided a listening ear when we wanted to talk. Your calm demeanor brought about a sense of peace during a tense couple of days and saying thank you doesn’t begin to convey our gratitude for all you did for us Myrna!!”

Don’t wait for that perfect opportunity to tell someone what they mean to you…do it right now!!

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